Sex is special for most women, while its exercise, something like eating an ice-cream kind-of-a-thing for most men. Though the first time, sex is special for both men and women. Or at least it is special with a new partner. A woman needs a man for sex; a man just needs a place – Author Unknown Also, this is the reason people are amazed to hear that there are some women (only a small number) who have more sex drive than their men.

Historically and even today, most men can have sex with any woman, irrespective of how she looks, irrespective of whether they are in love with them or not. Try it, and you will have the results. Go to yahoo chats, beaches or anything and you will see many men staring as if they will pull out their penises right there and start sex if given a chance. Hence the chronology of sex and love is ideally different with men and women; men would ideally (but seldom get such chances) prefer sex first and then love, whereas women would ideally prefer love first and then the product of this love needs to be sex for them.

Coming to the effects of this physical/emotional divide, men are generally considered and are, on an average note hornier than women because their desire to have sex is bigger than their need to have sex, and this because sex for men is more physical. Hence there are more prostitutes than gigolos. Both men and women have a healthy capacity for sex, just that as we evolve, we open up, so maybe we are still in the process.

I for many reasons believe that women beat men in terms of capacity (capacity I said, not interest) of sex. Climax is something that limits a man, but as women take a lot of time to orgasm and most have it rarely (also, it is a myth that if a woman doesn’t have an orgasm, she hasn’t enjoyed) they can actually have more sex than men, if they want. Due to this reasoning for sex, when a woman strays, it is mostly when the man is too good to resist, like say a sexy metro sexual man. Or someone very handsome, at least better than the number of points she can get out of 10 (rating I mean). Most men (not all) unfortunately are looking for every opportunity for sex.

So, it’s a good notion that to keep a man happy feed him good sex. And to keep a woman happy, she needs love. And this love should be from someone she loves, not anyone else. Nevertheless due to this physical/emotional quotient, men generally want sex in return while women would like to offer sex in return of something. Sex, they say is as complicated as the human species. I second that.

Note:  The time involved in sub-activities of sex is different couple to couple.

So the best of sex should ideally involve sub-activities as follows:

·         Kissing ( extremely important )

·         Playing with breasts

·         Talking ( extremely important )

·         Oral Sex ( recommended )

·         Penetration

·         Fetishes ( recommended )

And the worst of sex mostly accommodates:

·         Playing with breasts

·         Penetration

So all in all, the best of sex and the worst of sex are more like having sex with a horny partner and sex with a hooker, respectively.

But the problem with sex, its perception and porn is – sex is meeting of a penis (es) with the vagina or anus or mouth. To put it in a better perspective, sex is often portrayed as sex with body parts, when the sex we all want is – sex with a person, or if poets have to put it: sex with the soul.

Coming back to practicality, the time a couple spend on sub-activities of sex is crucial.

A good time analysis of all sub-activities of sex is as follows:

Suppose the overall time to the entire procedure is 1 hour, from getting intimate to Cumming, then for a satisfying sex, the 4 sub-activities ideally should be more or less the same. Like say, 10 minutes of kissing ((this involves all types of kissing (more on this later)), 10 minutes of playing with breasts (women licking mens’ nipples is also kind of exciting), 10 minutes of talking/whispering, 10 minutes of oral sex, 10 minutes of penetrations and say 10 minutes of miscellaneous activities which can be anything from peeing to replying text messages etc. And 10 minutes for fetishes. Yes, no doubt sex is all of the above (barring fetishes) but accommodating some time for sexual fetishes (ones which both agree and are not very dirty) takes the icing on the cake.

Depending upon your and your partner’s (more important), you can enjoy some of the sub-activties more. Like say, some couples enjoy penetration more than anything, ditto for oral sex and more.

So out of the 6 sub-activities, extremely important ones include:

·         Kissing

·         Talking

And sub-activities which are recommended include:

·         Oral sex (both ways)

·         Fetishes

Note: Requesting you all to switch off your mobiles phones and kick all the tensions for I believe if ever there is an anonymous poll as to what is the one thing which you would like to do before dying, most would actually choose sex, good sex I mean.

Okiedoks Folks!! Be good, have sex more often and most importantly be loyal to your partners

So the average man knows a couple of porn websites, which he either has stumbled upon when touring from one porn-site to another, or has been fed by friends. So most people type ‘sex’ or ‘suck’ or something in that league in Google to look for porn, or if some website has managed to tickle his/her sexual fantasies, he might directly type the url on the address bar. The videos which are displayed on the first page would be his options, which he will use magnificently. Now assume, he does this 4 days in a week, and with the one-page-displayed-options not changing much, he will be bored for sure. But my dear porn surfer, you have overlooked many things, which are more often than not the reason behind you getting bored of enjoying porn.

Prior to discussing ways to view porn, it is important to understand that viewing porn isn’t bad. Common yaar, watching porn and disrespecting women are 2 different things. So, here’s how you can watch porn to enjoy the juice for a longer time. And you don’t have pay for porn.

1) Every porn website (there are more than 1 million porn sites) has so many porn movies that they distribute them into pages, may be lined according from newest first and further. Some line the popular ones on the first page. But the fact is that there are hundreds, or even thousands of pages of porn. All porn websites offer a: search button. Use the search bar to narrow down your search to suit your needs. “Sex is never about a penis and a vagina, it’s a combination of small spurts of magic” So ask yourself 2 questions: What in sex excites you? Common options being fellatio, cunnilingus, soft core, anal, cumshot, transsexual, gay, lesbian, mature sex, interracial, Indian, double penetration, bdsm, water sports, scandals, uniform sex, pregnant sex, asian, AMWF, group sex etc. etc. Now type this in the search bar. And you will have all those porn videos which are tagged with respect to the word(s). There are either porn sites which house all the categories, or websites specifically targeting a particular fetish. Use search engines to get to your favourite porn sites. And do remember those porn sites.

2) Porn is not always about movies, it also has pictures. So, if you are bored of sex movies, try some sex pictures. Believe me, it’s awesome if its once in a while. And mark my words, picture based porn is going to make a re-entry like radio did.

3) Next is line is one of my favourites, but mostly it is paid. Follow a pornstar. Sex has a name, right? Subscribe to a pornstar’s website.

Note: For newbies, Sunny Leone has just offered a DVD of her having anal sex. I bet you did’nt know that, right?

Many pornstars offer on-demand videos as well. All in all, live him/her.

4) Story based porn is also a good option. Search for websites which offer some reading material (least the better), some pictures and some movies of the same story in continuation. For people who want to live sex, it’s an awesome feeling to watch small series of movies as a story.

5) Porn blogs are for literature oriented viewers, but dirty, sexy stories work well for some.

6) Now with twitter, you can follow pornstars and believe me, you will be amazed by the experience. Pornstars often tweet their personal pics, which no other websites offer. Or if you are lucky, you get movies.

7) Nude pictures of actors and actresses. You will be amazed at the number of people who do this. Use search engines well to be happy.

Cam to cam chats are an option. But I would advise the married men and women, not to try all this. Sex is a one way lane, they say.

9). Sex lines are legal but charges are very high. This is something we don’t advice, but is an option.

10). another common thing people do is visiting websites which offer escorts (prostitution is legal in some countries), see the pictures, enjoy what is written and enjoy.

All in all, if sex is an event, viewing porn is blast.

Note: Do whatever you want, but please please please be loyal to your partners. Love is greater than sex, any day.

All this is fascinating but more fascinating is the fact that in 1995 there was a survey wherein 90 % of the male respondents said they would love to live a John Holmes life if they get to bed so many beautiful women. Many of the actresses he had sex with feel that Holmes didn’t have sex for fun; he had mechanical sex to the extent of some porn stars who said his penis wasn’t fully erect on most occasions. If that’s true, then his actually penis might be even bigger. Though some trustable pornstars say John’s little john was just around 9 inches (it appears around 10 inches to me).

At the peak of his career he used cum 6 to 7 times a day and over a certain period of time, sex became more of a mechanical exercise to him. And that’s the case of many famous porn stars (even if they say it’s the otherwise). John Holmes lived a fascinating life if we consider his life to be a 3 hour movie. He bedded some of the most desired (there is a difference between beautiful women and desired women) and he did this when sex was raw – the 70s and 80s.

There is a lot of difference between sex now and sex then; it was more of a taboo then and hence the sex was more satisfying then. Common yaar, we can buy sex now and it was at offer then as well, but not as easy and commercial as it is today. Coming to the darker sides of porn, less male porn stars have attempted suicide than female counterparts, but the drug consumption is almost equally divided. Holmes used to take cocaine and like many other porn stars, his reason was – stress.

Some reasons why most would want to live a John Holmes life

1. He bedded more than 1000 different women.

2. He is one of the most prolific anal sex actors ( I don’t why, but men do have a penchant for anal sex may be because I believe if a woman offers anal sex, she can do anything for that particular man, so its special).

3. He had big penis which inflated male egos like anything. Remember more than 50 % of man’s mind is governed by animal instincts.

4. Because he was famous like anything.

5. Because half the then men envied him, half wanted to be like him and a majority of women dreamt to be with him (circa 1975).

6. Because he lived a colourful life. And he was almost a hero.

Now, 10 reasons why most would not want to live a John Holmes life

1. Because he had a moustache.

2. Because he suffered several beatings at the hands of his step-father.

3. Because he had sex with so many women but didn’t passionately kiss many.

4. Because he had multiple STDs.

5. Because he died a painful death.

6. Because he dealt with stress most of his life.

7. Because women may want to have sex with a porn star but not many want to marry a porn star.

8. Because porn stars are looked are objects not subjects.

9. Because he had an extremely turbulent life as a child and almost into his teens.

10. Because he was involved in the Wonderland murders.

Now for some more fascinating facts about John C. Holmes

• He suffered several beatings at the hands of his step-father.

• He has once enlisted in the Army.

• As a young man, he sold goods door-to-door and tended the vats at a Coffee-Nips factory.

• He spent three years in West Germany.

• He suffered from pneumothorax while working as a driver, after repeated exposures to inhaling the sub-freezing air in the large walk-in freezer after being outside inhaling the desert-hot air.

• An early Swedish Erotica (1973) had five loops (scenes) featuring Holmes, each with a different name.

• By 1978, Holmes was reputed to be earning as much as $3,000 a day as a porn actor.

• John Holmes due to his cocaine habit gave a flaccid performance in the 1980 film – Insatiable

• He used selling drugs for gangs. And prostituted himself for men and women. Holmes was once arrested for pimping as well.

• He had committed credit card fraud on at least one occasion.

• Holmes’ performances included at least one Homosexual feature film -The Private Pleasures of John C. Holmes.

• All of the male stars of the movie – Private Pleasures, including Holmes, eventually succumbed to AIDS.

• During the summer of 1986, Holmes was offered a substantial sum of money by Paradise Visuals (who were unaware of Holmes’ HIV-positive status) totravel to Italy where he filmed his last two porno movies. One of these 2 movies was – The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empress (released in Italy as Carne Bollente) for director Riccardo Schicchi. The film starred Holmes, the later Italian Parliament member Ilona ‘Cicciolina’ Staller, Tracey Adams, Amber Lynn etc.

• John Holmes’ body was cremated, and his widow, Laurie, and his mother, Mary, scattered his ashes at sea off the coast of Oxnard, California.

• In 1979, Holmes with his younger half-brother, David Bowman, opened up a locksmith and used furniture store called *The Just Looking Emporium* in Los Angeles which both managed.

• At the premiere of the film Wonderland (based on Wonderland murders which Holmes was a part of), patrons were given Thirteen-and-a-half inch rulers as gag gifts.

• Holmes was involved, campaigned and also collected door-to-door for charities such as Save The Whales.

• The closest John ever got to university was breaking into cars in the school’s parking lot.

• As a teenager Holmes played the role of Eddie Haskell in the TV series – Leave It to Beaver

Note: I pondered about this fact for almost 2 years before writing on it.

Consider a man A and a woman B who have been married for 2 years now and they have sex once a week or less. A weighed 65-70 kgs at marriage and B weighed around 50 kgs while marriage. And now they weigh 85 kgs and 65 kgs respectively.

Now some major reasons why a woman gets annoyed when her man starts getting intimate with her are as follows:

1. Most middle aged men are out of shape, and some have more hair on their face than their heads. The point here is that their women just don’t feel any physical attraction to have sex with them. They have sex only when it gets to the point that she has to relieve herself which is on an average once a month.

2. Bad masculine hygiene. This is a major turn off. Sex is mostly a night-time activity done after the couple has food. Food causes 2 major problems, first being burps and forced burps after a nice dinner/lunch (it is extremely annoying when a man burps with all the bad odour which comes with it) and second the breath which isn’t as fresh as it is prior to eating.

3. Familiarity is not attractive even if you close your eyes.

4. Post marriage the poison for sex is children for many. And post the products, women give this as a reason for their not-so-interest in sex.

5. Vagina becomes loose so 2 things happens, first being men don’t enjoy like they would ideally and secondly women aren’t exactly encouraged (imagine the excitement if a man has a 1 inch penis and is about to have sex; got it?).

6. Her inhibitions. Most of the women still feel sex can anything but enjoyment. May be that’s why faking an orgasm is quite common. Many women feel that sex is something which is non-pious. Believe me many women have such a sigh of relief as soon as the sex ends. I have a thumb rule of my own to check if a woman is interested in sex – Gauge the kiss; the passion in the kiss is proportional to her interest in sex with you.

I know I am being too rude, but believe me these reasons combine to form an important reason why women get disinterested in sex after some years of marriage. There can be many other reasons as well and also some one-off cases. To put things in perspective, how about this: Will a woman be much interested in sex with a man who once weighed 65 and now weighs 85, who is half bald ( half bald is uglier than full bald), who is unhygienic ( may be doesn’t clean his penis properly, may be farts in front his wife, may be has body odour and burps at will) etc. ? Let’s be candid – the answer is no if you ask the women in private, the answer would be may be if you ask them when they are surrounded by other women and the answer may even be ‘yes’ if you ask them in front of their men.

So has it all finished? A BIG NO!! Remember women have inhibitions and most are hard wired not to indulge in infidelity and for them sex is more emotional than physical. Also, love and sex are not synonyms but are related. So if a woman doesn’t have sex with her man, or if she does have sex but doesn’t have the interest, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her man. A female mind is very different from a male mind. But for men, if they do not sex with their wives, there is a lot of chance that they don’t love their spouses or they might be gay.

What should middle aged men do?

• First things first, check your physique. Join a gym, go for walks, be aware of what you eat. The bottom line is – get in shape. Also, it’s a wonderful feeling if you are well maintained in terms of health. And you will confident to get clicked in full, not just the face part.

• Use a good deodorant. It’s one of the most underrated advices ever given to men. Remember women have powerful noses.

• Avoid having a full stomach if you are to have sex tonight or whenever. Control the urge to burp; it works if done consistently.

• Brush your teeth twice daily and post brushing in the night gargle with a mouthwash liquid. Feel fresh; you can even bath prior to having sex.

• Talk more with your partners. Showing them erotic movies doesn’t mean talking; don’t look like a pervert who is looking for someone to experiment. Make them more comfortable. Try to make them understand what things makes you happy in terms of sex. If spoken with correct words, I am sure women understand.

• Take them out; go for vacations. Common guys, we all work hard but a good day’s work is nothing as compared with good sex with our partners (at least for the majority of men). The best sex is often during vacations. If you can’t change the partners, a change of place might work.

• Buy them flowers, make them happy and then give it a shot, the pun is unintended.

• Get facials, visit spas, invest in a good-looking you. Trim hair everywhere (see the before and after pictures of a penis with hair and a penis without it; you will get the answers). Ditto for armpits.

• All in all, be a better version of yourself.

Also, it is a myth that all women want their twats to be licked (until they cum is a standard bait used by gigolos). The truth is – many women get turned off by the idea of men kissing and licking their vagina, a part which essentially used to throw out impure blood and urine. See guys, if a woman likes something, she will make it obvious. So, don’t get ideas by reading stories and others’ experiences. Don’t force anything on her. Men have inhibitions and so do women. A penis was not invented for sucking, right? Its primary function is to direct the pee. No doubt it’s quite exciting but felatio is an improvisation and ditto for vagina. And anyone would have issues to put in mouth something via which we throw out garbage, right? Furthermore, remember that even without Felatio and Cunninlingus, if a woman shows interest in sex or she desperately needs it, the act can really be heaven. There’s nothing to lose, you can try the above tricks; if they work, it’s awesome, if they don’t, you would like to see yourself in the mirror more.

When it comes to varieties, people point out to either ring condoms (condoms with rings which cause pleasurable vibrations) or female condoms which are aesthetically opposite to male condoms, but how about some condom types as below:

Super-thin Condoms:

The thickness of this condom is quite less as compared to normal ones. And yes, it’s more fun, this is the closest you get to having sex with a condom and yet feeling like not using one.

Dotted Condoms:

Dotted condoms come with raised dots and as expected are the most popular condom types ever. The dots cause a nice sensation to the female party and this is one type which gets a thumbs-up from the female community.

Flavoured Condoms:

These types of condoms are fairly common with the smell and taste of these condoms being in tandem with some fruits, flowers or even just plain odourless. Popular flavours include strawberry, chocolate etc. These condoms are perfect for oral sex with condom, wherein the woman would feel like tasting something good rather than plain rubber.

Climax Condoms:

These condoms have a get which helps in delaying the climax. Though the results may vary from person to person, but nevertheless trying something new and that too something which will help you to stay rooted for a long time would be awesome, right?

Differently S-haped Condoms:

No doubt condoms come in standard shapes, the sizes do vary. And some brands do offer comfort fitting condoms. Many ask as in what the heck it will make a difference. But believe, appropriately shaped condoms would not only be safe and easy, but are fun to use.

For the record, there are at least a dozen types of condoms, with at least half of them finding a good amount of patronage. So when you cannot change your partner, you can at least change the condom to experience the same thing differently, what say guys?

Homosexuality, the term and its impact have been different at different points of time. But what amazes me that only the carnal part of the definition of the term: homosexuality is highlighted. Most don’t even know the other part of what homosexuality stands for. Homosexuality is a romantic or sexual attraction (read behaviour) between members of the same gender – but the romantic part is often subdued.

Once I attended an office training which asked me to be curious and if something is controversial, then curiosity is its other name. Hence, for the last few months, I submerged myself into books, blogs, articles , anything and everything I could manage while studying the finer aspects of the term – homosexuality. More the literature, more unbiased a writer would be. Also, I feel as a heterosexual, I would judge homosexuality better. Let’s see…

To set the context, it is important to understand the basics of human beings, their sensibilities and their progress. Irrespective of science, religion and whatever reasons we get about the ‘why’ of things, the real 2 reasons with respect to anything and everything about humanity are: need and profit. The most amazing thing I realized is that our forefathers pulled off where it mattered. Why do we sleep in the night and not the day? Why do traditionally men have been hunters or breadwinners and not women? Why do people of a certain religion do something and not something else?

Keeping the not-yet-proved spirituality away for some time, the answer to all the major traditions are none other than need and profitability. Coming to our discussion, why do we marry? Why do we have sex? Practically, because an older generation has to replaced by a new one, right? Sex as a heterosexual mating is a requirement and fun as well. I can’t think of anything else which is necessary and fun as well. Approximately, if we take into consideration the number of times a person has sex, 75% of the times, we have sex for fun, and 25% for biological reasons (it’s actually less, but considering this as a cut-off).

So, it’s 3/4th times for fun, 1/4th for the need. Now let’s take homosexuality, I think 100% of the times (which is at least more than 75 % or 3/4th) people engage homosexuality for fun. So, even some people do not agree, the bottom line is – homosexually is more ethically correct, just that there is no end result, but the journey is fun, at least for the 13% of the world who identify themselves as homosexuals (this 13 % is miniscule as compared to a lot more people who have, during their childhood experimented, the curious looking games involving genitals).

This being the major problem for homosexuality, the other major problem with homosexuality is that it doesn’t go with our animal instincts. Sample this – humanity is nothing but a collection of phases (of progress) from 100 % animal instincts to no animal instincts at all. Hence, at 100 % animal instincts, thoroughly the period prior to 18th century, opposition to homosexuality was actually accepted, but not when we are evolving, now, when we are as humans as animals (50 %, for both approx.)

Let me put it in the other way, why are men supposed to fall in love only with females?  Prior to answering this question, let me tell you an incident. Years ago, when I was a foolish 10 year old, I heard a comment from a prominent Indian actor, “I love my son.” Nothing strange about it, but I asked myself – how can a middle-aged man say he loves his son? As a 10 year old, love for me was ‘the happy happenings’ between a male and female.  

But, let me tell you, love is a vague emotion – one can love his car, even more than he loves his wife, one can love his passion more than her sweetie, right? So it is definitely, more than possible for a man to love a man or women/woman, right? Here the romance part of the definition fits well- homosexuality is a ROMANTIC or sexual attraction (read behaviour) between members of the same gender. If homosexuality isn’t legal, it’s because it is of no use to the society. Had it been like babies are born from homosexual relationships, then heterosexual relationships would have been frowned at. Whatever way we put it, humanity is ‘hypocrisy and fear laden’ and unfortunately this has helped it to grow.

Continued on the next page…

Now coming to practicality, a lot of homophobic people have quoted (read in blogs) something like, how can 2 women have sex? No penis, no sex, they quoted. Fools think that sex is done via penis and vagina while ‘thinking people’ know that it is done via the mind. Sex, love, cum are all a part of passion, and passion is not only when a penis strokes a vagina but every anxiety based feeling between 2 partners. Passion is when a man sees a beautiful woman naked, passion is when a woman sees ‘6 packs’ on a man’s body or even the other way round, when a woman sees a beautiful woman naked or a man sees 6 packs on a man’s body, right?

Homosexuality is not only about cum and orgasm but also about intimate hugging, kissing, moaning and every other way of creating passion 2 individuals, same like heterosexual sex. And believe me, most of the articles I read have mentioned love as a passion between 2 individuals; these haven’t mentioned the gender of these individuals. As man still has a fundamentally strong animal instinct, non-acceptance of homosexuality isn’t very strange. More the man gets away from his animal instincts, more would he be developed and free. More would he be developed and free, more would homosexuality be accepted.

Another angle which makes people homophobic is there. For that, let me set the context via a chat I had long time ago, with a pen pal, way back in 2002 or 2001. I was friends with a white guy, who once said that he believed that the white race is superior and that’s why the white are the best-looking of all the races, viz, the black race, the Chinese race, and the Indian or Latin race. He hated blacks the most, may be because he didn’t meet many Chinese or Indians (he knew I was an Indian, prior to our being pen pals).

 He gave me ample of reasons, so I asked as to what is the reason that angers him the most. He said something and then asked me to wait. After some 10 minutes he said – interracial porn. I wasn’t expecting this, but he explained many logics behind it, and in the end he admitted that he respected black men who respect him but not those who mate with white women. My pen pal was of an opinion that only good looking men have the right to date good looking women.

Leave the incident, the point here is that reasons for hatred like reasons for happiness can be strange, unexplored and unthinkable. Historically, homosexuality has always been associated with vulgarity, drugs, mental instability and everything bad. And what are homosexuals doing – they are adding fuel to the fire.

Gay parades, gay pride rallies, drugs won’t help homosexuals. What would help homosexuality is a generation of homosexuals who become successful motivational speakers, politicians, writers, painters etc. By successful, I don’t mean fame (anyone can be famous, but only some become successful).  To give an example, homosexuals should go on to become the next Obama, James Cameron, Usain Bolt, Roger Federrer, Sachin Tendulkar, Steve Jobs etc. More the gay community calms and lives a normal life, there would be more of respect for them. After all, respect is what is lacking when it comes to the gay community. There has to be generation of gays, who have to bury a lot of hatred in their hearts so that the next generation receives respect. And this way, even the closet homosexuals would get that extra bit of courage to open up.

 Signing off,

Team OKIEDOKS

 Next: So, many of us know about transsexuals, but are you aware that there are various forms of sexuality like pansexual and polysexual , and also sexual states of minds like trans man, trigender , two-spirit, queer heterosexuality, pangender and how about terms like hermaphroditic and so on.